Perspective

That one word has been in my head the last two weeks. It makes all the difference whether it’s interpreting someone’s intentions or trying to understanding a tough situation.

When we first starting having community dinners, I would listen to my roommates talk about all their clients, and I began to miss my person-person contact. Up until my placement I didn’t really know anything else. I started my work with people who have disabilities at Adult Camp and went into Speech-Path where client-contact is crucial. Before things got really busy at the office, I wondered if I would have preferred a placement at a group home/facility. But every day in my office, I learn that in the world of disabilities direct-client work is not always as I remember it. What would happen if I worked at a place DRNC monitored or was going to sue? What if my co-workers at a home did not understand how amazing people with disabilities can be? What if that job was not their passion, and he/she was just there for the money? I know how probable all that is, but with people who need so much care, acceptance, and RESPECT the need to understand their rights, the laws, and who they are as individuals is so important. I like to remember people with disabilities are just different. They need help here and there, but are just like everyone else. At least all that is just my perspective.

This belief was only strengthened after visiting Dorothea Dix,a hospital that provides psychiatric care in Raleigh. One of my co-workers is an advocate there and asked if I wanted to monitor with her another woman in our office. I immediately said yes! I was excited but kind of nervous. I had no idea what to expect. The campus is gorgeous and the building is a historical landmark. The inside of the building, however, was so dreary. The walls had very little art work and the rooms did not have many decorations. If this place is someone’s home for the time he or she is there, shouldn’t it be designed in away to make him/her feel comfortable? Shouldn’t there be pictures and walls with warm/welcoming colors? Why does the fact that it’s a hospital have to change anything? People are not just there for surgery some people have been there for a few years. The building was the most disheartening part of my trip, not the people. In fact, they were my favorite part. They were all so great! Dix is closing so my co-worker is closely tracking the transition for a lot of the patients. A lot of them did not know where they were going, and each had mixed feelings about where they wanted to be placed. One patient commented she wanted to go “home.” Who wouldn’t want to? It was upsetting knowing that for many people it was not an option. What they had to look forward to was another hospital or a shelter. I know that there are tons of things about the people I met today that I will never know, but they were really all welcoming, friendly, and articulate. I want to eliminate the idea that just because they are in this type of institution they could not effectively communicate what they wanted and deserved. It made me rethink the idea of an institution all together. If there is a way to keep people in their homes and communities, then I really do feel it should be done. Every time I go out and meet the people DRNC helps I begin to understand their mission statement and visions tons more.

The reality is that even the most normal looking; healthy person has something going on. Within each of us there is something that is different. Maybe something broken, fragile, not quite put back together the right way. I’ve done the very scary thing and looked to see what is “different/missing” in me. For my own privacy, I would rather keep it to myself. I will say a lot of it stems from the “standards” that I have put on myself or that others have. Growing up I always felt I had to be one way. I always felt that people expected me to be a certain way. I did whatever I thought would keep the peace or other people happy. I’m a place now where I am questioning that. Although JVC is all about facing those inner conflicts, I’m worried about finding out where these feelings will lead me. I’m still learning how I am going to apply a lot of what I’ve been thinking about. I guess I can only hope fro the best and trust in God. Sometimes, you reach a point when that’s all you can do.

I do think it’s ironic that I’m dedicating my life to eliminating labels for others when I’ve hidden behind labels my entire life. It’s interesting to know the kind of impact one or two words can have on someone. I can only hope that one day “Maryann” will mean exactly what I want it to mean.

One month, un mes

Ohhhhh Haiiii everyone!


So one whole month of my JVC experience has just passed by. Hmmm and what a month it has been. People weren’t kidding when they said it would be rough b/c it has been. I’ve been having UPS and downs, but they have all happened in a way that has made me rethink why I am here and what I can do to make the most of it.

As this month comes to a close what I have been thinking about most is my job. I remember being at Loyola HOPING JVC would place me at Disability Rights N.C! And lo and behold there I am today. So I’m going to breakdown what my lovely agency does. We are the protection and advocacy system for North Carolina. We provide legal and advocacy services for people with disabilities across the state. There are 1.8 million people with disabilities in N.C and we have 13 practicing attorneys. Yeaa…great math for N.C right? A lot of the counties do not have many resources. As I was doing my research, I began to notice just how scarce resources are. It’s actually really sad. It was one of the first things that struck me.

My job is to recruit people for a new volunteer program that will hopefully be a remedy to that problem. My days have been full of phone calls! Sounds kind of boring…sitting at a desk and making phone calls? But let me tell you it’s a great part of my day. I always feel this anticipation before the person picks up. Will he/she be responsive? Will this person really understand the need for our program? Some do! A lot of people have been soo nice! Some are not and those are my harder days, but I keep on with my calls . I cannot wait to see how much the program will grow!

The most thought-provoking part has been the Listening Sessions, where we go into cities way out in N.C and hear what people have to say about disability rights. That was my first day on the job. We met with 6 people at our first place and about 12 at the next site. Everyone participated and made each session so good! Unfortunately, people mostly complained about the services they were or were not receiving! You would think that because the Disability Rights movement started around the 1970s people would know what to do! But as with every other civil rights movement that seems to be the case. At work I’ve also heard some really upsetting cases. It’s all so hard to hear especially because for three years I was surrounded by women who worked their hardest to make sure people with disabilities had a way to speak up for themselves. I feel like we were always taught about stuff that happened years ago. I never imagined so of the same stories could still be told today. We learned about all these laws and a lot of people are acting like they do not exist!!! It’s so frustrating!! I’ve been thinking a lot about what my responsibility as an SLP is. I know my job is going to be important and I know it will have an impact on my patients’ lives but…..I don’t know. I really don’t know what to feel at this point. There are days when I feel like calling up Dr. S or J.P for some inspiration and to hear that what we do really does make a difference. I find myself thinking about the “Advocacy” link on ASHA and hoping that those efforts are making some sort of change. I wish everything could be answered with my PowerPoints but that’s not realistic. Lol.

I’ve also been feeling pretty homesick. I know right now I would be running around with flyers for a bunch of ALAS events…Latino Heritage Month!  And I have been getting the dance e-mails so it’s like torture. I’m hoping Zumba and Cardio Dance class will suffice my dancing cravings.

I’m hope I’m not sounding too much like a Debbi Downer bc I’m not sad. This is life and it has its fair share of frustrating and confusing moments. I did not come to JVC to have an easy year off school. I came here to challenge myself, and thus grow. And I feel like I’ve grow a lot even in this past month.

That’s month one. Stay tuned for what happens in the next eleven. Peace kids!

This week.....

I have no idea where to begin to describe this past week. The only thing I can say is that “that’s how life works.” It was a ridiculous mingling of good, bad, happy, and the saddest moments. From last Sunday to today; it’s been interesting to see how the week played out. Very interesting!


Sad. Not gonna lie I was very sad this week. I don’t mean to make this a totally upsetting blog, but I’m going to be honest with you all. I experienced the loss of someone very important to me, a man who will forever remain close to my heart and to a few very special people that I love. My second family. I cannot explain how awed I am by their strength and total faith in God. I haven’t experienced someone look to God in the way I did this week. It’s interesting that the things that inspire us about others often happen during moments they wish they were not undergoing. I am still dealing and still cry, but I know to trust the Lord for comfort. I am so fortunate to say that I have a group of amazing women who are supporting me. I would like to thank ALL of my roommates for their concern, love, and listening ears! You guys are the best!

I did mention that there were some good moments and, fortunately, I do have quite few to choose from. I’m just gonna to run down my list of highlights. Lol. Hanna, Samii and I discovered a lovely bar called the Raleigh Times. It’s really relaxed and a great place to get away for a little bit. Not to mention, time with Hanna and Samii is always great! :)

Of course, my favorite moments will include Scott and Roberta, our JVC support people. They are the most fantastic couple/ people I have EVER met. They are so down-to-earth and welcoming. They’re the kind of people you can spend hours talking to about anything! They lead us through our first spirituality night, a healing circle, which was a total success! One thing that stood out the most to me was this quote by Lao Tzu, “When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” COMPARE and COMPETE. The idea that I should not, at all, be doing either of those came at the RIGHT TIME! It’s funny how that happens. :)

In true Scott and Robert and fashion, they made us think about things in a way we never would. This past Thursday, I went, with Brit and Kate, to a movie about the death penalty. It told the story about how a documentary about a girl, who was aging out of foster care, played a key role in sentencing her murderer to the death penalty. It raised a lot of questions about whether or not we have a right to choose who lives and dies. It made me question what I believe and why I believe it. If anyone is interested it will be airing on PBS this October. I’ll let y’all know the exact date. (btw I’ve yet to say y’all while speaking but for some reason it comes out when I write, moving on…. ) Of course, my time with Kate and Brit was wonderful.

My fave-fave moments of the week, involve spending time with all my girls! Soooo Ms. Jeanette from Alliance of AIDS, where Brit works, gave us a fantastic tour of Raleigh. She filled us in on the African American history of Raleigh, or as she liked to tell others “showed us a little bit of African American.” LMAO!!!!! O Ms. Jeanette! She took us to Shaw University, Lightener Funeral home, African-American History complex (I believe that was the name), a few significant neighborhoods, St. Augustine College, and THE PIT (delicious BBQ restaurant). Ms. Jeanette has lived an interesting life and told us about her experiences during and before the Civil Rights Movement. These were my fav part of the tour.

So next on this “time-line” blog, lol, is the B-MORE party! What, best time ever! Lol AWSOME job hosting Baltimore! Getting there was long, but hilarious! All thanks to HAIR JUNGLE!! Subway...Subway??? hehe. It was soooo GREAT seeing all the others JVs and hearing about their first few weeks. I was very happy I got a chance to ask my favorite question, "Do you know Eileen Blaha?" lol. I gotta say I’m a little upset Brit and I lost the dance –off. NOT OKAY! Warning: We will be better prepared next time!! :) I have to give it to our competitors; however, they killed the Bye-Bye-Bye dance! In my opinion, though, Kate takes “The Best Dancer of the Night Award.” She got down at the party. Hell yeaa Kate!!!! Lol!

After writing this blog, I feel better about my week and life in general. I guess you just have to take time and deal with what hurts without letting it blind you. At the end of the day, there is always a lot to be thankful for. Just gotta look for it. I must say that tonight’s spirituality night def. helped bring that lesson to mind. Thanks Sammi!

Until next time friends :)….Buenas Noches!

I got nostalgic.

I know this blog is insanely long. I was thinking about Loyola and all the fantastic times I had. All this came out. I hope you enjoy whatever it is that you decide to read :).

In this place

In this place, I was full of wonder and excitement.

I came in with bright eyes looking to learn and eager for freedom.

A met a few people, I heard they’d become like family.

Then the others came and we stuck together, we knew we always had somewhere to go.

Eventually, I decided to venture and then just stayed next door. I never thought of going anywhere else. You don’t get better than exceptional.

In this place we shared, we laughed, we cried, we worried, we celebrated, but most importantly WE SANG!!!!!!

We should’ve been on Broadway.

We got so close that our star felt comfortable enough to face us. She even hit the note…you know the one everyone lipsynchs.

We learned about George Washington, the apocalypse pony and his fun, life-threatening friends, and one man’s deepest desires…what what.

Nothing could really stop us. We were ourselves. In the times we could be, we were carefree.

In this place, I always found time for home base. It was a process of getting to know everyone and a few stood out. Corny as it may sound, they walked straight into my heart.

In this place, I held a secret, one so confidential all who knew were sworn to never tell it. The distance kept me safe.

Every now and then in this place, I felt really comfortable with who I was. No time to think anything else when you’re dance like crazy in the halls.

*************************************************************************************

In this place, things got a little harder.

It was unexpected really, but we tried hard to not do sadness.

“Notify us about what you would like to do for the rest of your life,” was posted all around this school.

This decision was easy for me and became a very proud speech geek!

In this place, we were awakened by more music and the lives of moritz, melchoir, and wendela.

We waited for them earlier in the morning with the rest of the day to explore a city.

We sat in Central Park, reminisced in Toys R’ Us, and created tons of new memories.

Most importantly, we watched our friend grow.

In this place, we encouraged a new romance. A spark predicted very early in the year.

The sages patted themselves on the back, as the lovebirds tried to hide at the FAC.

In this place, I became a leader bringing awareness of different issues and hanging up fliers everywhere I could.

In this place, I learned how to worship. I let the music usher in the presence of God.

*************************************************************************************

In this place, for some reason I grew scared and a little insecure.

I pulled myself through and even found the courage to sing on my own.

A few moos and some tough love always made me feel better.

In this place, a new activity became a part of our lives. We were a little hesitant, but we had some friends who encouraged us.

We got to dress up almost monthly and just play. Whether it was dancing or singing Pokémon, we always had a good time.

In this place, I became the hammynamer, my most precious role.

Shortly after arriving to this place, I ventured off the Emerald Island. I had no idea what to expect.

The snow fell in Shannon and we ran on the bus so excited!

I met some new girls from places kind of far away. Minnesota and Idaho; seriously?

They became a huge part of my heart and were always ready to applaud by unknown serenades.

We even went to GERMANY! We had the best time!

In this new place, I met Pan, Hook, and the Galway girl. I also made friends with my partner in crime.

We played cards at the Well, I forced them to the Brog, we all actually enjoyed the Bailey, and we watched an awful movie and redeemed ourselves with Disney.

There was time for pretend HW sessions, travel plans, potlucks, and tea. My favorite was Barry’s, and trust me they knew. If I wasn’t sipping on tea I was drinking my JACK and coke.

They made fun of how much Pixie dust I sprinkled at night, but I always knew never give away too much.

We traveled around Europe and piled in to hotels. We only got caught once.

In this new place, I learned to be free. Life is way more fun when you aren’t analyzing each moment. I let go and became a part of the present.

It was hard to leave this new place, but I was looking forward to bring back the lessons I had learned.

*************************************************************************************In In this place, I was welcomed back by my two favorite men. Yea, I ran to the CMC to meet them!

It was all overwhelming and exciting. But senior year was finally here.

It started off great! We welcomed in the madness and I a new, fantastic friend. Blehhhhhhhh, that’s all I can really say <3.

In this place, it was incredibly difficult for me to balance my new found freedom and need for responsibility. I leaned more to one side and toppled over.

My academic successes seemed to be over, but a wise man told me to breathe and that things would turn out better than I could foresee. Of course, he was right.

As I stumbled about, an idea to restore my sanity came to mind. Though I decided kind of late, I still handed in my application on time. I filled out a few others as well. All I had to do was wait. Yes, it was as hard as it sounds.

In this place, my secret came out. I proceeded with caution but slipped and fell into a River.

It swam there alone. The truth evaded me. I tredded the waters, knowing I was strong enough to never drown. The water was toxic and I got a little out of control. It was nothing like the water in the River Lee.

When I allowed myself to swim closer to shore I saw tons of lifeboats, and realized they were always there. In fact, one of them was always next to me. Yes, they’d heard me cry but knew I needed my time.

I was inundated with emotion, but their hands helped me up. I saw there were lighthouses around the river, too. There was one out West, a few in New York City and some Upstate. I couldn’t believe it, but I should’ve known, there were some in the Midwest. The brightest lighthouse was in Queens, NY.

As I stepped on to the shore, no answers came and my confusion sometimes became worse. I never really knew and still don’t know what to believe.

Patience and one really good reality check, thanks to my jersey clad friends, made things easier. Life became about me and my friends again. We put our hands up and danced around. Some of us were so good we even got shout outs.

Regrets tried to surface but they were hard to hear over the music on the lime green radio and all the talk about whales.

In this place, Friends and Uno were funnier when you’re drunk, Microbes, Celtic earring and Celine were the best gifts ever. Oh, and Glee ruled all.

In this place, I regained my success. I got in To JVC, MGH, and this little place, Columbia. I jumped for joy…literally. UCDavis, FIU, Emerson and U of A also accepted some of their most elite students!

In this place, I learned that according to Chemistry, English, Biology, Psychology, Law, Nursing, Speech, and History scholars I was pretty cool kid. I even heard that from someone who worked on T.V!

Actually, I learned from them that I was loved more than I could ever imagine.

In this place, I learned I was loved by many.

In this place, I promised to love myself.

In this place, I looked in myself and saw all the good in me. I learned that I was the only one that had to see it. I felt fortunate to have tons other that saw it as well.

In this placed, I realized how lucky I was.

By the end of my time in this place, I felt really comfortable with who I was.

In this place, it was hard to think anything else when, you’re dancing around your room, running around hotels with fake lollipops, eating Roma’s cheese fries, getting a final burger at Flamers, or having the best late night conversations.

In this place, no one really said good-bye; the bonds were too strong. We wait for June 29 or the next city date.

And it begins......

Well hello there! I am officially ina nd moved into Raleigh NC. In fact I have been since alst tuesday, August 17!

    It has been one of the most interesting experiences so far. It feels like I have been here forever, but I know I have barely begun my journey. I'm so happy to be here. Everyday I become aware of more and more. Whether its being on the bus or talking to my roomates about their jobs. I can say with certainty that I am being ENRICHED!

      Ok so let me start at the beginnning now that I got a little deep on y'all(hehe). So Orientation was fantastic! Seriously I haven't been on a retreat that good in a while. We learned so much, I actually felt somewhat ready for Raleigh. Once we got here we truly learned what Southern Hospitality was all about. Our support people fed us so much we ate elft ourselves basiclaly our whoel first week. It was awesome!

     Our house is gorgeous! Not too shabby for 5 ladies. Speakin of these girls idk if I can put into words what living with them so far has been like. Imagine coming home every day after a very tiring day of work knowing someone, if not 4 other people, are ready to listen to your stories. Not just hearing you ramble, but truly LISTENING to you. Oh and if u have a late day you also get a wonderfully cooked meal! Its pretty great! We are all so different but we mesh so well. I love getting home and listening to how their days went. Before we actually started working, they were all commenting on how nervous they were. It seemed they had some big shoes to fill, but I think they have NOTHING to worry about! These girls are all so passionate about what they are doing and are so willing to give whatever necessary to do a  good job, I know they will be more than fine. Not to mention they all have the coolest bosses, and some other very interesting characters at their offices. lol.

   As for me well Disability Rights NC is brand new to JVC. Its actually brand new period, only three years old. And so far it has provided for one very good inside joke! haha. I love my job, although it is more office work than I've done ever in my life. The research I've been doing has shown me that that type of work is part of the change we are trying to create. I'm beyond excited to be working there!

    I'll try to keep you guys updated as much as possible! Hope you enjoyed reading about Maryann in Raleigh :)!

MWA!

   

Welcome!

Hello loves! This will be one of the ways I will be letting you all know what I am up to during my year with JVC! Soon enough it will look alot prettier than this. lol I hope you enjoy hearing my stories!

Love you all!