That one word has been in my head the last two weeks. It makes all the difference whether it’s interpreting someone’s intentions or trying to understanding a tough situation.
When we first starting having community dinners, I would listen to my roommates talk about all their clients, and I began to miss my person-person contact. Up until my placement I didn’t really know anything else. I started my work with people who have disabilities at Adult Camp and went into Speech-Path where client-contact is crucial. Before things got really busy at the office, I wondered if I would have preferred a placement at a group home/facility. But every day in my office, I learn that in the world of disabilities direct-client work is not always as I remember it. What would happen if I worked at a place DRNC monitored or was going to sue? What if my co-workers at a home did not understand how amazing people with disabilities can be? What if that job was not their passion, and he/she was just there for the money? I know how probable all that is, but with people who need so much care, acceptance, and RESPECT the need to understand their rights, the laws, and who they are as individuals is so important. I like to remember people with disabilities are just different. They need help here and there, but are just like everyone else. At least all that is just my perspective.
This belief was only strengthened after visiting Dorothea Dix,a hospital that provides psychiatric care in Raleigh. One of my co-workers is an advocate there and asked if I wanted to monitor with her another woman in our office. I immediately said yes! I was excited but kind of nervous. I had no idea what to expect. The campus is gorgeous and the building is a historical landmark. The inside of the building, however, was so dreary. The walls had very little art work and the rooms did not have many decorations. If this place is someone’s home for the time he or she is there, shouldn’t it be designed in away to make him/her feel comfortable? Shouldn’t there be pictures and walls with warm/welcoming colors? Why does the fact that it’s a hospital have to change anything? People are not just there for surgery some people have been there for a few years. The building was the most disheartening part of my trip, not the people. In fact, they were my favorite part. They were all so great! Dix is closing so my co-worker is closely tracking the transition for a lot of the patients. A lot of them did not know where they were going, and each had mixed feelings about where they wanted to be placed. One patient commented she wanted to go “home.” Who wouldn’t want to? It was upsetting knowing that for many people it was not an option. What they had to look forward to was another hospital or a shelter. I know that there are tons of things about the people I met today that I will never know, but they were really all welcoming, friendly, and articulate. I want to eliminate the idea that just because they are in this type of institution they could not effectively communicate what they wanted and deserved. It made me rethink the idea of an institution all together. If there is a way to keep people in their homes and communities, then I really do feel it should be done. Every time I go out and meet the people DRNC helps I begin to understand their mission statement and visions tons more.
The reality is that even the most normal looking; healthy person has something going on. Within each of us there is something that is different. Maybe something broken, fragile, not quite put back together the right way. I’ve done the very scary thing and looked to see what is “different/missing” in me. For my own privacy, I would rather keep it to myself. I will say a lot of it stems from the “standards” that I have put on myself or that others have. Growing up I always felt I had to be one way. I always felt that people expected me to be a certain way. I did whatever I thought would keep the peace or other people happy. I’m a place now where I am questioning that. Although JVC is all about facing those inner conflicts, I’m worried about finding out where these feelings will lead me. I’m still learning how I am going to apply a lot of what I’ve been thinking about. I guess I can only hope fro the best and trust in God. Sometimes, you reach a point when that’s all you can do.
I do think it’s ironic that I’m dedicating my life to eliminating labels for others when I’ve hidden behind labels my entire life. It’s interesting to know the kind of impact one or two words can have on someone. I can only hope that one day “Maryann” will mean exactly what I want it to mean.
