Questions and Concerns

 What does it mean to be safe? To be happy? To feel accepted? Should you feel happy, safe, and accepted all at the same time? Who will make you feel all those wonderful things? Should it be someone else’s responsibility? Everyone can say “You can’t wait for others to make you happy?” And I agree. What about safe? Accepted?


Do I sound a little confused? In the past two months I have done a mix of running away from my thoughts and trying to make sense of them and, most importantly, trying to figure out why I feel the way I do to begin with. Trying to get things straight has been a serious process and has left me feeling really disconnected, which is why I have not written. I apologize to everyone who was actually reading my blog (love you Gina hehe).

I guess I’ll pick up where I left off. As I previously mentioned, part of my job is to monitor the transition of some patients as they move from one psychiatric hospital to another. I am pleased and relieved to say that a majority of the patients have been moved. Last I spoke to them, they all seemed to be doing well. They were happy the hospital was clean and that the rooms were big. We walked around to check out their rooms and most of them were already making them their own. The lst time I visited was two weeks before Chirstmas. I knew by the time I came back the honeymoon period would be over and was nervous to hear what they would say. Fortunately,  I visited last week and learned they were all doing well. But some concerns remained. What the old hospital lacked in terms of beauty, it made up for with programming. From what I learned, the staff treated them like family and the classes really allowed them to express and enjoy themselves. It’s not that the new hospital doesn’t have activities for the patients; it’s just not to the same degree. The patients are used to things a certain way and I keep thinking about how they are adapting.

What would you want? You are so sick other people do not trust that you can control yourself. Unfortunately, these people aren’t a few “haters” but your doctors and social worker, the people making most of your decisions. Would you take the older building where you are happy or the fancy new one where you and the people helping you are unsure of what is going on?

My answer is…neither. Sure, I have created a family/community of my own but I would rather these people be my neighbors on a “normal” street in a “normal” neighborhood. Essentially, that’s what most; if not all, all the clients I work with want. I am talking about everyone with a disability. If they are not living in psychiatric hospital, it’s a facility. Who wants their lives controlled by someone else? I know being in a facility can be seen a good thing, at least it’s a roof. But how many roofs can one person go in and out of? As “normal” people most of us have the luxury of saying “Leave me alone” to those who are trying to control us. This kind of reaction from someone in a facility may lead to punishment or eviction. Finding a home after that is way more complicated than necessary, not to mention more than what most people have to deal with. How many waiting lists can one state have for housing? How many waiting lists can one person be on before they find a home? I’ll let you know when I find out.

How safe and accepted would you feel? Safe? You’re afraid history will repeat itself. Accepted? Your own state claims it does not have enough money to help you out. Accept? Some of the people in your state view you as a criminal and do not see the need for you to have a home of your own. You are viewed as too fragile, sick, etc to be truly independent. Accepted? Safe?

I really do wonder how the people I work with have the faith, patience, and courage I’ve seen in them all.They must know something better awaits them or have a peace with God, themselves, and the world I can, at this point, only admire.